


Ghastly Gabriel's Mind-numbing Monologue

by The_Elister



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crowley Being an Idiot (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Crowley being so annoying that Heaven decides to yeet him, Gen, He/Him Pronouns For Crowley (Good Omens), Out of Character, POV Crowley (Good Omens), POV Third Person, Re-upload to fix some major issues, Supply your own demand, The Fall (Good Omens), Wordcount: 100-1.000, but ppl are yeeted from heaven ig that counts????, i confused gabriel and michael lol, i tried to keep the tone consistant and i failed, im not sure about the violence tag????, its getting kinda angsty at the end, no beta we die like men, ok it doesnt really matter but i didnt feel like inventing a name, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Elister/pseuds/The_Elister
Summary: Crowley claims he fell because of asking too many questions.These questions constisted mostly of "Hm?" when he didn't pay attention, again.[Re-upload to fix some major issues]
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Ghastly Gabriel's Mind-numbing Monologue

**Author's Note:**

> istg this was supposed to be a lot funnier. i had this idea with a friend:  
> -crowley zoneing out at the weekly angel meetings and then asking "so has anything important been talked about?"  
> -Michael: "One more stupid question and you are getting yeeted." AJC: "Sorry, what did you say?" M: "That's it I've had enough."  
> -he's done this so often that almost the entire host of angels is looking forward to stupid question from him, but some ppl (michael etc.) are so mf done with him  
> -crowley being like "mh?" when the floor vanishes and hes falling  
> so i didnt really do it that well, like i couldnt write just how ANNOYING crowley is supposed to be here, but eh who cares.  
> any writer is invited to take up this prompt and try better. pls @ me though i wanna read it

„Raphael, please, pay attention.“

Raphael’s unfocused gaze zoned in on Michael. „Hm? What did you say?”

“Concentrate on the lecture.”

“Yeah, yeah.“

When Gabriel stopped glaring at him and went on with his lecture, Raphael really tried to follow what he was saying. Honestly, he did.

He never intentionally zoned out, he just couldn’t help it. He just found Ghastly Gabriel and his Mind-numbing Monologue so boring.

It was much more interesting to think up new star clusters and nebulas or to mentally revisit some of the masterpieces he already created.

And Gabriel wasn’t saying anything new or important anyway.

“We have traitors in our midst” this “We need to treat them without mercy” that. Raphael, along with all other angels, had had to listen to these lectures over a thousand times now, and honestly, he couldn’t find it in himself to care anymore.

No new information ever came up, so one single lesson would have been enough. Instead, they had to listen on how to deal with situation again and again and again and again and again and –

And nobody knew how to properly handle this anyway. A case like this was unprecedented, so all courses of action had a Let’s-just-hope-we-won’t-make-it-worse mentality.

If you asked Raphael, everything would resolve without much happening, anyway. (Don’t be fooled, he would tell you regardless whether you asked or not.)

As if God would cast somebody out of heaven for having some doubts and questions. It was just the angels’ mistrust in each other, making them overreact and forget Her unconditional forgiveness. For divine beings, they were surprisingly fallible.

“ – alright, everyone, I think we’ll end it for today. See you again next week.”

The span of a _Week_ was pretty relative here, because time hadn't been invented yet, and even if it were, it would probably not apply to the heavenly dimension.

Raphael was the first one out of the room, desperate to shake off the Exhausting Explanations.

The next one outside was Remiel.

Raphael waited a few seconds for the other to catch up with him. “So, did Gabriel say anything important this time?”

Remiel looked scandalized. “You shouldn’t talk like this. Everything Archangel Gabriel said was of great importance.”

“Sure, sure, but it’s not as if he said anything new whatsoever. We heard it all a thousand times by now, and we’ll have to listen to it again tomorrow.”

“And every lecture is an important reminder.”

While talking, they had slowed down so much that the other angels leaving where now forced to walk around them in the hallway.

Gabriel approached, a displeased expression on his face. “You watch your back, Raphael. One day, your inattentiveness will catch up with you.”

He brushed past them, a human might call it stomping, but an Archangel was to divine for something like this.

Raphael shrugged it off, bid Remiel farewell and went to create some stars.

.

.

.

Raphael found it so refreshing to talk with angels who shared his views.

How were they supposed to do their job, if they didn’t understand God’s plan? And to better understand, you had to ask questions.

His friends were the people all angels were warned about nowadays, but Raphael didn’t care. All that talk about a war coming? Rubbish. The most involved and most stubborn angels would have a serious discussion – since fistfights hadn’t been invented yet – and all would be well again. God would forgive them, explain Her plan properly, and life would go on.

The talk about war was awfully depressing, if you asked Raphael.

.

.

.

Angels were running, angels were flying, angels were screaming.

Angels were fighting.

Raphael didn’t understand why matters had spiraled like that; he didn’t know what to do now that they had.

It was not at all how he had imagined this would go. He had meant to keep at the sidelines, avoid involvement and wait for the results.

That wasn’t possible however, since every last angel in heaven seemed dead-set on beating somebody up, no matter who.

Raphael had seen one angel totally escalate and hunt others down with a _flaming_ sword.

And, the worst – the worst thing, that made him nauseous even thinking about it, was that angels were cast out. The ground opened, swallowed them, and they were gone.

Now, Raphael was currently running down a hallway, trying to find any of his friends. Anybody who hadn’t lost their mind and didn’t want to beat him up would also do.

He rounded a corner and saw Gabriel.

“Raphael! Get over here!”

He ran towards Gabriel, dodging several angels along the way.

“Gabriel! What’s going on? Why is everyone –“

A scream interrupted him. Raphael spun around and saw an angel falling through an opening in the floor.

Gabriel gripped his arm and turned him back around.

“Are you stupid! Did you notice anything in the last years!” Gabriel had to shout to make himself heard.

Another angel crashed to the ground next to them, and had the time to let out a last scream before he was gone.

“Yes, but I don’t understand –“ Raphael just wanted to know what he should do.

Gabriel didn’t let him finish. “That’s the problem with you! You question everything! You never listen! It’s your own fault that you ended up like this!”

“Please, tell me what –“

Something in Gabriel snapped. “I’ve had enough!”

Beneath Raphael, the ground opened.


End file.
